Author: Dawn

Yesterday was Jacob’s birthday. You should have been there with us. He went to lunch with your dad and siblings Sunday and I went to visit that night and had lunch with him yesterday. You should have been there. That’s all I can say. You should have been there.

I overslept because I couldn’t sleep again last night. My chest feels heavy with an indescribable ache. I just can’t make sense of any of this. I am struggling to believe that you would take your own life. With a whole life ahead of you and such joy in your face just an hour before,…

Today is starting out as an angry day. I can feel it and I want to just be mad at the devil but honestly, I’m mad at the people who were worried but didn’t say anything. I’m mad at me for not calling him that day. I’m mad at the kids for their stuff all…

The storm in me won’t leaveWon’t dieSwallows up hopeAnd spews out liesIt rages like fire A fire insideThe tears keep falling like rain They keep floodingDrowning the lightBut feeding the flamesIt still rages like fireThis fire inside The clock keeps turning tick tockIt won’t stopThe world still spinsAs if nothings changedBut I still feel a…

This hole is deepAnd darkFlickers of images line the wallsReels of memoriesDisappearing as quickly as they appearI don’t see a way outOr even a way throughI’ll likely settle hereHoping light will find its way inMaybe over timeSlivers and cracks will provide some reliefUntil thenI’ll writeAnd keep watering this wellWith salty rivers sliding off my faceTrying…

I took a shower today. I promise it’s not the first since Joshua passed 22 days ago. But I will admit they have been few and far between. I opened the blinds in the bedroom and watched from my bed as the snow slowly melted. I thought the sunlight or warm water might help me…

One call literally changed the trajectory of my life. It feels like yesterday and yet so long ago, but counting it’s been nineteen days. Nineteen long and arduous days. It seems that each day the reality seeps in a little more and it hurts deep. I scrolled through old texts last night and looked at…

Salty Rivers flowThe ache of brokennessEach painful step towardsAnd away from healingNever ending emptiness

A day of nature therapy. Though my heart hurts, I’m thankful for a good dog, good friends, and this beautiful and cold day.

I’m struggling in so many ways today but I’m so grateful I was “that mom” who took a ridiculous amount of photos and videos. I don’t care how annoying it was. I’m clinging to the memories of nearly 23 years of loving you and being loved by you. I will always love you so much…