Author: Dawn

Everyone says the firsts are hard. It’s only been two months since we lost you and here we are at one of those firsts. The last maybe ten days have been filled with more tears than I knew I could shed. I have grappled with so many emotions. I have wanted to throw things, tear…

You can’t fix this. I can’t fix this. No one can fix this. My heart is forever broken and this ache in my chest is just one of many symptoms. Can’t turn back the clock, can’t take it back, there is no second chance, no do over. I feel hollow, like an abandoned building. Wrecked…

It’s when the lights go out and everything is still…these are the moments that hurt the most. When I reflect back on the day and think about how much I wish you had been there to be a part of the day. This is when I can no longer hold back the tears. I fill…

I think it’s hard for others to imagine what it looks like in the life of someone who has lost someone as close as my Joshua. Thinking back on the times I’ve known others who lost a child or a spouse, I can honestly say I just didn’t know. This is not a reality anyone…

It has been five long weeks since Joshua has been gone from this world. Every morning is like a new kick in the face when awaking to that reality again. While it’s been hard and sad, I have reflected with family and friends on many of the beautiful memories we were able to create with…

I have processed and ruminated and rolled things around until you would think there was nothing left to think about. While it’s exhausting, it’s necessary. My therapist told me today that we have to do this. It’s part of the process. It won’t stop until we start to come to a place where certain things…

I’ve started reading The Grieving Brain by Mary-Frances O’Connor, PhD. I’m already intrigued. I’ll share as I delve into it but in case anyone else wants to check it out, I wanted to share this here.

Mornings are hard. Each one is like a new kick in the face as I wake up to the reality that you are gone, again. Again and again. I relive the reality every single day. I want to call you. I want to text you. I want to ask you to come over. And yes,…

Yesterday was Jacob’s birthday. You should have been there with us. He went to lunch with your dad and siblings Sunday and I went to visit that night and had lunch with him yesterday. You should have been there. That’s all I can say. You should have been there.

I overslept because I couldn’t sleep again last night. My chest feels heavy with an indescribable ache. I just can’t make sense of any of this. I am struggling to believe that you would take your own life. With a whole life ahead of you and such joy in your face just an hour before,…